L.S.D. :: lineated.strength.disappearance

1. Clubbanger
Basic instincts, social life,
Paradoxes side by side.
Don't submit to stupid rules,
Be yourself and not a fool.
Don't accept average habits.
Open your heart and push the limits
- Enigma, Push The Limits

The seedy nightclub was beginning to fill, to come alive with crowds drinking, smoking and filling the area before the stage with the sound of voices competing to be heard over the DJs music beating from the house speakers with volcanic force. Elias stands relaxed yet attentive drinking in front of the stage; he'd been drinking, they'd all been drinking since, around eight when they arrived at the club for sound check. As the hours - measured in beer glasses - passed the club began to pulse with couples dancing, drinking, smoking and laughing to the beat of the music. The life of the club is evident all around him; the smell of smoke hanging in the air, mixing with perfume as the women he knows - has known - come and greet him and the three guys lounging beside him next to the stage.
The women come with smiles, glasses full, cigarettes glowing and love flowing for their friends, for the boys in the band. Beside Elias stand Scott, Vin and Luke; together they paint a picture of pure rock'n'roll style, shaggy haircuts, tight jeans, cigarette smoke, glasses of beer, and a distant intelligence. Scott, the singer, holds a girl to him, she's shorter by nearly a head, a head of wavy blonde hair framing a tanned face with dark eyes and strong eye make up, her nose is straight with nostrils that flare slightly when she smiles. She's wearing a t-shirt that advertises the band and Scott smiles at her belying his customary swaggering personality suited perfectly to the foreman of the band.
Vin laughs in response to some inane joke made by a fan exploding his compliments of Vin's bass playing, he's polite to the fan but glances over his shoulder at Luke, a look that screams a plea for help, for a rope to draw him out of the sinking sensation he always gets when fans compliment him with their mundane opinions. They're all the same, Vin says behind closed doors, "Hey man, yeah I've got a band too, how'd you start getting gigs...uh, 'cause you guys rock and I reckon we'd rock too if given a chance...hey d'you, y'know, wanna get us a gig, to like get the ball rolling and all..."They're all just complimenting us to get themselves ahead, what happened to fans who love the music and don't wanna try and leech more off us? I can't deal with them man, shaking his head he continues, the words convulsing behind closed doors, but I guess I gotta do it.
However, Luke doesn't notice the plea for help, his attention is concentrated in a conversation with a brunette girl wearing a tight black top and a short denim skirt. She flashes her smile and tilts her head laughing at one of Luke's jokes, her eyes shining brightly, her hand touching his chest playfully, a stage play of lust, of heartaches to come with nowhere for her to possibly run.
Elias continues to drink deeply from his glass, wondering how many he's had and if he'll be able to play in half an hour when they're set to launch onto stage. He has no desire to hear what the girl before him says, she's an old friend, like a sister and right now he doesn't care, there's little he cares about.
'Elias I worry about you. You're life is a string, a string of girls, and I just wish someone would come along and tie a knot in it. Eli, I think you're losing grip, the music doesn't sing of the passion anymore...' the drone goes on as Kate rambles emotionally. He doesn't care, he's heard it all before, there's little Kate hasn't said to him. He looks around subdued by what she was saying and makes the decision that tonight he won't find a girl to satisfy him, he won't take some girl home, give her bliss for one night, one night only. This is what Kate wants from me, he decides, but I can't move if there's somewhere else to go.
'If nobody moves, then nobody will get hurt right? I'm probably making this up...but Eli your body isn't just for use, not just another tool in a shed...but, that's not it is it, no you're not the tool, they're the tool, they're like drugs aren't they Eli...' She sighs and, noticing the lack of focus in his eyes, realises he's not interested in her dire pleas.
He kisses Kate on the cheek, thanking her for coming, knowing that she would come no matter what, she's never missed one of their gigs, she's the epitome of groupie, and she loves it. Brushing through the crowd Elias makes his way through the throng of people towards the bar. A hand grabs his arm, his head whips around to glare at the person connected to that hand and is instantly taken aback when he take in the sight before him. Her eyes and the set of her mouth screaming perfection attack him with a sullen smile. An intense distilled beauty framed by tumbling brown hair lights up the room with sparks ignited by a heavy sullen fire. She looks, he thought, like she's just got up and doesn't care about how she looks, it's as though she's resisting her beauty, disliking the smoothness of her skin and the sensual quality of her lips. She looks disordered and resentful of the day, yet arranged and glamorous, as though she need not try to be attractive. Her eyes, screaming their sullen furies at him, are heavily adorned with dark eyeliner making her features attract the attention of the dark, fighting the sullen fire burning up inside her, contrasting the blinding light, she's a battle waiting to happen, he thinks as slowly the battle is waged and his continent is ravaged forcing him astray waving a white flag, a declaration of surrender.
He notices her lips moving but can't hear the words forming, travelling towards him on her hot breath. He leans forward hoping to catch what she's saying -
'Dude, come on we're starting any second now,' Luke's voice rips Elias from his reverie. 'Hey, sorry darling we gotta go, the set's about to start, come have a drink with us later aye?' Luke flashes his smile and pulls Elias away.
I didn't even get to hear her name, Elias thinks confused, hoping that she finds him later standing by a bar feeling like he's been hit, as though he's bending just about as far as he can waiting for her hands to clasp his so he can understand what this whole thing's about. All the words she'd said - unheard - are stuck in his head. He's been hit, slapped in the face, conquered.

The lights blind Elias as he scans the crowd that is swarming before him, waiting, ready to be moved. Smiling he picks up his guitar and loops his badge covered strap over his shoulder, the guitar is already tuned and plugged in thanks to their underage roadie. He turns his back on the audience, unable to look into the lights, wanting only to search the crowd for those fury filled eyes, to hear them scream at him and absorb all of his attention, for them to stare into his soul pleading for happiness, wanting them to plead for a happiness only he can bring.
The prelude to every gig begins afresh in his mind, Je veux aller au bout de me fantasmes, and he can feel himself slipping over the edge clinging to his guitar for support, Je m'abandonne. Scotty screams into the microphone behind him and in unison their guitars come alive, riding the beating waves emanating from Luke's drum kit.
Elias falls to his knees strumming the life out of his guitar, jumping into a solo that screams from the house speaker system over the heads of the crowd, pushing and probing, jumping and screaming for their dancing pleasure. He jumps off the stage into the audience, unaware of what's around him, feeling the hands on his shoulders as he leans back pouring his heart and soul into the notes that flow through the lead from his guitar into the huge amp on stage. And, with a final crashing chord the song is over.
Elias returns to the stage and downs a pot of beer in seconds. Scott faces Vin, nods and turns to face Luke who waits with anticipation as the bass line builds, slowly, forming and reforming waves that move through the crowd with a rhythm they can't escape. Vin's face is contorted in concentration, his eyebrows bunched together as the bass line builds in fury and with it the drum kicks in laying the foundations for the melody that jumps out from Elias guitar lurching the audience into a wild frenzy of dancing. Scott jumps off the stage and grabs the microphone, lyrics of love, hate, death, war and politics emanate through the speakers with his rough voice, harmonised by the combined voice of Elias and Vin.
Within what feels like mere seconds to everyone assembled the set is over, the audience is blown away in time as the boys in the band happy with their performance begin to pack up their instruments and skol glasses of beer, exhausted by the fury of their set.
Hours pass as the fans confront and congratulate them. Having delivered what was asked of them they feel exultant and on top of the world, the beer flows and happiness spews forth from those who know the boys.

'Luke...have you seen...Y'know that girl...I was talking to before...' Elias trails off as his eyes scan the crowd. Luke laughing loudly slaps him on the shoulder.
'Man you serious? Nah way. Eli searching for a certain girl? Bullshit...oh man you're serious aren't you?' Elias only nods in response as if he's in another world, subdued in his search.
'Yeah man I think I saw her walking outside for a smoke about ten minutes ago, hope she wasn't leaving. Get her to come have that drink with us, yeah?' Luke pushes Elias towards the door as slowly the words take affect on him, his heart beating faster like a drum gone out of control; erratic, excited.
In a daze he weaves through the crowd to the door, smiles at the door girl thanking her for getting them the gig, it was great he tells her. She kisses him on the cheek; you guys always bring a great crowd, she says, anytime Eli, it's always a pleasure. He realises he's hesitating, delaying, avoiding what he wants to do, what he knows he needs to do. Isn't this what Kate was telling me earlier, he wonders as the fog settles around his head.
He opens the door peering into the night outside, his skin tingles as the crisp night air attacks his sweaty shirt cooling him instantly. He hadn't realised he was so hot and is shocked by the cold night air, delighting in it as slowly the fog clears. He pulls out a cigarette and lights it, quickly inhaling, enjoying the feel of the smoke sinking into the depths of his body, relaxing his mind and taking him away as he leans against a bluestone wall.
'Hey, you wouldn't have a lighter handy would you?' a voice to his right inquires, the words sliding around him, soft to the touch. His hand reaches out to the sound trying to caress the sound and is surprised when he feels a hand clasp his. He looks down at his hand and sees the slender fingers holding it, their skin is smooth to the touch, and he likes it. His eyes follow her arm up and he notices the face. Recognition hits like a kick in the balls as the realisation forms in his mind, I won't go getting tired of you. He rummages in his pocket and pulls the lighter out. It ignites, bringing to life the glowing tip of her cigarette. She smiles at him thanking him. Still holding his hand she slides down the wall to sit on the ground, her arm tugs and he feels the rigging of her yacht pull him down into her sails, a wind propelling him and pushing him down. Her head leans against his shoulder as he puts his arm around her. Words aren't important; they're too caught up in their own thoughts and the simple elixir of their cigarettes. He tilts her chin up and without thinking brushes her lips with his own. She returns the kiss and he feels almighty, he feels like a conqueror, like a king on his thrown, like the man who tamed the beast, who fought his hesitation and did the unthinkable; he kissed the angel and stayed alive. She smiles at him, her furies emanating from her eyes, probing him and smiling naturally, resentfully beautiful.
'Come with me,' she says, the words again caressing him, 'come with me and we'll travel to infinite, to the bar, your band, and...back to infinite.' He smiles and follows as she leads him back inside. They chase each other throughout the night, taking turns, not giving up, chasing each other all over the place, to the moon and back.
The string of his life is wound tighter, growing thicker, becoming a rope intricately knotted into the rigging of a yacht headed for the shore of a new land on it's maiden voyage.